jamborjoy

Psychopathology, cat food, and the toilet

2011-08-16T15:04:00.000-07:00

I've been having a great school quarter! I have two challenging classes that I really like: Psychopathology and Theories and Practice of Psychodynamic & Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. I'm learning a lot and I'm able to do more practice sessions with other students. Next quarter, I start to have actual clients!

I found a reasonably-priced food for Polly that she is not allergic to! It's only taken about 6 months...

My apartment's bathroom issues reached a pinnacle a week and a half ago, when our downstairs neighbor banged on our door at 7am, telling me she had a waterfall in her bathroom. Tearing down her ceiling, wall, and doing a lot of work on our toilet and pipes, the bathroom was fully usable after 4 days. During that time, if we were able to use the toilet, it went into a bucket in our neighbors' bathroom. :/ stressful!

Way Overdue Update

2011-06-11T20:52:00.001-07:00

Life is getting better. I just moved into a new apartment on the greatest street in Seattle. I am now walking distance from almost all my favorite hangouts and the stores I buy essential things. I've been here since the last week of May and I'm starting to feel more settled. There are obvious bathroom hindrances, which will hopefully be fixed shortly, but otherwise, the 100 year-old apartment is great- lots of character!

School is good...challenging and busy, but good. I have about a year of classes, then a year-long internship left. This next quarter I have a couple of especially challenging classes on my plate with especially expensive books. I'll also be finally finishing my big research project. This will be the fourth quarter of it and I'm ready to be done!

Polly's good. She developed an allergy to her Trader Joe's food, so I've been on the hunt for a good alternative to the very expensive Prescription Diet. I'm on the fourth try, and I hope this one's a winner!

My health is doing ok. I'm continually trying new things to improve the Fibromyalgia and sleep issues, allergies, PCOS, etc... Since the weather is finally (kinda) getting warmer in Seattle, my body is not as sore and I am able to be more active. From my highest weight, which is to remain undisclosed, I have lost 63 lbs. :D Now, I am more concerned with toning my muscles than losing weight.

I've had 4 solo art shows at this point, and (I think) a 5th next month! I have sold 10+ pieces at shows and more on the side. I am so grateful for the opportunities that have come my way and hope for them to continue.

I love my family and friends and I am so thankful for their support in my life, especially through an extremely rough patch last year.

Hello, Dear Friend, I'm back.

2010-04-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

I'm standing on my own two feet. I feel more supported and healthy than I have since...well, ever. I'm losing weight; going to a Naturopath, Acupuncturist, Massage Therapist, and Art Therapist; and I am unashamed to be on anti-depressants! I am creating art and music.

I am in my second quarter of art therapy! This journey has been difficult and well worth it. I am also having my first solo art show starting May 8th! I hope so badly I can actually sell my art. The excitement overwhelms me to just have a show, though.

At this point, my intentions of specific populations to work with in art therapy are artists, musicians, people with Fibromyalgia, and traumatized children. Of course, I might change my mind a million times.

It has been wonderful to be free of a normal job right now. Being a graduate student and artist/musician is enough for me right now. Finances are difficult, but what I am doing is important to me to be done in such a way.

I am going to be in three weddings within a year! My dear friends Danielle, Marion, and Astrid are getting married, and I am honored to be a part of their celebrations.

This has been a great year so far, not without challenges, but that makes life interesting, right?

Dark and Twisty

2009-11-24T15:18:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been in a deep dark place. I think it started when I didn't get into Art Therapy, which I found out this summer, but there is definitely more to it. I started school in October doing Drama Therapy. The actual classes have been challenging, but doable. It is does not come nearly as natural to me as art or music.

Then, my car broke down, and I got let go at work with three months notice. Then, my health got worse from being outside waiting for the bus in the cold. With the weather change, the Fibromyalgia has been worse in general, and then stress was sprinkled on top, and I've had flare up after flare up. So, when I get overwhelmed, I withdraw. I wanted to quit my job when I heard about the lay off, which would have helped me to focus more on school, but I needed to stay those three months to get COBRA benefits. It's been a rough three months...REALLY rough.

Tomorrow is my last day of work. I've decided to take some time off from working, which will be awesome. I've still been in a really unstable emotional state that I realized would not just go away when work ended, so I have starting medication. I'm trying to realize that this is not a failure. It is what I need and that's ok.

I've also realized that Drama Therapy is not where I want to be. I am going to try once more to get into Art Therapy. If I don't get in, I'm going to take the regular MHC (Mental Heath Counseling) track and hopefully be able to build it up with creative therapy electives. I am very nervous to tell the "powers that be" my decision, but I know this is what I need to do.

I just imagine myself hatching out of an egg. I've started getting out of my pitch dark encasement, and now I am seeing light and picking off pieces of shell that have been stuck to me. Soon, I am hoping to be fully emerged, drying the ooze off, and learning to fly.

End of Summer Update

2009-08-27T13:06:00.001-07:00

Nothing seems to ever go as planned, and that's ok. My summer has looked different than I wanted it to, but it has been a pretty satisfying summer.

I completed my drawing class and learned a lot. It was difficult, as it focused mainly on technique opposed to creativity. It was good for me.

Music has gone no where. I have not sold anything in my etsy store, except one thing to my mom :/ That's ok. I haven't put tons of time and energy into it. I still hope to put more effort into these things, but not at this moment.

I start at Antioch in October! I am going to do Drama Therapy. :)

My health has been difficult to deal with lately. I believe the uterine polyps I had last year have come back and I will most likely need another surgery for that. The Fibromyalgia has been bad and I have been completely exhausted for a while. I finally started taking thyroid medication though, which might be a good solution to a lot of issues. I've been on it 7 days. I've also been iron and Vit D deficient, so I am trying to take extra supplements for that.

I feel like so much of my identity has had to be shaped around my physical problems. I can only do a certain kind of job, and suffer from guilt over how many days I call in sick. I feel so held back. I have to cancel social things a lot just to rest. I have to think 10 steps ahead all the time to prevent flare ups. I feel like my personality has changed to accommodate the necessities of taking care of myself. When I take those fun little personality tests, it's hard to know if I should answer questions the way things are or the way I wish them to be. Like, "What do you do in your free time? A.Sit on the couch B.Go out with friends, etc... I'd like to say B, but it's gonna be A. What I'd really like is the option "Have friends over while you sit on the couch." :) But people like to go out.

Birthday

2009-07-03T12:55:00.001-07:00

I had a great birthday yesterday! Here is my day:

1. massage in the morning
2. some yummy soy frozen yogurt with fresh fruit
3. shopping for art supplies for my new Drawing class
4. interview with Antioch University!
5. shopping for groceries
6. get ready for party
7. party!

My interview went pretty well. I do not think I am getting into Art Therapy for at least a year. I need to work on my portfolio more and make connections within the program. I do, however, think I am getting into Drama Therapy right away. Apparently, it covers more of a wide base of expressive therapies such as music therapy, movement, art, etc... So, it would be good to have some of those classes. Quite a few classes would transfer into the Art Therapy program.

My party was fun! It was 60s/70s themed, and everyone dressed up! We had the fire pit going in the backyard, and Astrid bought me a yummy cake! I got some more money to go towards a guitar, but I think I might still save up for a better one.

I am in kind of a weird spot right now. I am really hoping to get back into playing music this summer, and was hoping that would be possible with less class-time. My drawing class actually seems like it will be double the work that I am used to, though. That, and I wasn't really prepared to be switching my focus to acting again, not now at least. I also really want to put more work into my etsy store. i don't do too well with my attention in too many places at once. So, some things are up in the air as far as what this summer will really produce. I am excited about all these possibilities, so some good things are bound to happen!

Life Today

2009-04-08T15:19:00.000-07:00

Things are going okey dokey. I'm having a mundane moment, and I want to attempt to capture the flicker of excitement looming in the back of my brain. Certain things are shifting. The weather, for one, which is really helpful to me. I have noticed this year more than ever the slight variances in weather have a profound effect on me and my body. I have been trying to be outside more as it becomes more tolerable.

Secondly, Spring quarter of school is starting, and I am really excited about my classes! I feel this quarter will have great significance to my future artistic expression and endeavors. I feel I am a print-maker, without having really done it with any sort of instruction yet. Here I go!

I am also taking a higher level painting class with an emphasis in graffiti art! This is a personal obsession of mine and I know I am going to have a blast and learn a lot. My teacher seems highly qualified for this as well, more than she is letting on I think. :)

Money is a problem, but I know it is like that for most people right now. I have hope for new possibilities.

I guess I will leave with a music recommendation: Check out Andrew Bird's new record Noble Beast.

Noodling

2009-02-23T15:52:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been a bit obsessed with three new albums. I love them. I have basically only been listening to these three albums. The three are as follows:

J. Tillman "Vacilando Territory Blues"

When I moved to Seattle area in 2003, I saw J. Tillman open for Aaron Sprinkle at the now-closed Hideaway. I was immediately drawn-in by his voice and contemplative drive to his music. It slowed me way down, and allowed me to think about each note. When a banjo player accompanied him on the last few songs, I was in a state of pure bliss. Now, many years later, his music has only progressed. He's often accompanied with a band, which gives a fullness that knocks you to the ground on some songs. This new album gives more hope to the Seattle music scene. It inspires me to be a better musician. His lyrics and sweet melodies speak to deep emotion and raw beauty.

Damien Jurado "Caught in the Trees"

Damien, O Damien, how I adore thee! He is one of my favorite musicians, and this is definitely the most intense album of his to date. The honesty and mournful journey told by album speaks right to my heart. I read in an interview with Sound Magazine recently that this album was written during a difficult time in his life, regarding his recent divorce. He's proven he can maintain his story-telling ability with even more personal vulnerability. I just can't say enough about how beautiful this album is. It's my favorite for now.

Sigur Ros "Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust"

Sigur Ros has always had such an undeniable transcendental quality. They have really upped their game, so to speak, with this new album. The first few songs are much more up-beat than the usual, no less transcendental. It just makes me need to dance and jump and throw off my cares. The musical quality amazes me and I love that they are trying something new. Then, the last few songs have me sitting quietly contemplating my life, as previous music they've put out always does. It speaks to something deep within me and lets me just be me.

25 random facts about me

2009-01-26T12:47:00.001-08:00

1. My two favorite places on earth (so far) are Sagrada Familia in Barcelona and Cinque Terre in Italy.
2. I have moved 22 times.
3. I love hand-written letters.
4. I usually have a very good memory.
5. I am not easily scared- I can sense you sneaking up!
6. I love giving and receiving gifts.
7. I'm a coffee snob, but only have it a couple times a week.
8. Most of my food, I make from scratch. I am becoming a prairie girl.
9. I don't get shocked, offended, or bothered very easily.
10. I am introverted, but LOVE having people over and being loud sometimes.
11. Going out for weekend brunch is one of my favorite things to do.
12. I need lots of sleep.
13. I love taking baths, but since I moved I am scared to because the water is a weird color to me. If it weren't for this, I would only take baths.
14. My next door neighbors have chickens and I touched them once.
15. I'm finally taking an accredited art class.
16. Sometimes I have needless illogical panic about people (and cat) I am close to dying.
17. I crack my back and neck a lot.
18. I am liking meat less and less.
19. I love colored pens!
20. I talk in a baby voice way too much, and wish I could stop, but I can't!
21. I feel guilty a lot about things I can't help.
22. My car is Christmas all year 'round.
23. Talking on the phone is not my forte.
24. I have weirdness about ankles and inner knees.
25. I love lists!

painting

2009-01-14T13:48:00.000-08:00

I started my community college painting class! It is great so far. It feels great to be practicing a part of myself more intentionally. I've been to 3 classes so far and I feel like I am learning. I feel really good about this. I've been getting tired quickly, but I know I will get more used to the new schedule and standing for 3 hours at a time. I feel this is a whole new beginning of a chapter in my life.

last post of the year (probably)

2008-12-30T14:49:00.000-08:00

Hey all, whoever "all" is. I am at work. I have such a difficult time at work it seems. I get extra tired and sore sitting in my office. I have been super excited and happy lately in general. I am excited for things this year ahead could hold, great possibilities. I feel I am on the verge of a great year.

I just went down to Bakersfield for Christmas to be with my mom's side of the family and my parents and brother. It was good. It was good to see people I haven't seen in 5 years, although I was nervous prior to the trip about that.

On the planes to and fro I wrote a whole lot. I finished my moleskine journal, which gives me a feeling of greatness and "chapter closing", and I loved that it fell at the end of the year by chance. I know, it's a quirk.

I want to list some thankfuls/highlights for me this year:

played several music gigs
had my first art show
finished my B.A. (as of 12/21!)
being in love
creating more art and music
no more apartment living!/an amazing house to rent
discovering my love for Gillian Welch
being addicted to Damien Jurado's new album: Caught in the Trees
strengthening both ankles in physical therapy
getting a job with benefits and a bus pass!
participating in a good fibromyalgia research study
getting my brother's old car at a good price
reconnecting with a couple long lost friends
losing 9 lbs so far...on my way
great friends and family
fires in my wood-burning stove in the winter
fires in my outdoor fire pit in the summer
polly

B.A. on Sunday!

2008-12-17T12:40:00.000-08:00

I'm finishing my B.A. in Applied Psychology on Sunday. Yes! I am very excited to be done with this step in my schooling. I don't get to "walk" until June, and that is when I will really celebrate.

I start art classes at the community college to fulfill some prereq's for the graduate program I want to enter in the fall. I hope to get into Antioch University's Art Therapy/Clinical Psych Masters program!

bad times getting better

2008-11-21T17:29:00.000-08:00

I've been in a hole for about a week and half. Things haven't been so good. I hit a stress bubble from reasons out of my control, and the weather is changing, so my fibromyalgia has been horrible...really horrible. I feel I am coming out of this massive "flare-up" finally. This has shown me that I really have been a lot better for a while. Aside from still battling headaches, the fibro pain and symptoms have been a lot less, and I guess I didn't fully realize that until it came flooding back. It's kind of encouraging to know that the lifestyle changes I have been making are working for the most part. I feel I am really able to manage things well until life throws me a curve ball, then lifestyle management feels like a band-aid on a broken arm. heh heh...funny cliches.

As soon as I realized this was a bad flare up, I knew I would just have to take extra care of myself and wait it out. I've missed some work, I've been trying to sleep a lot, especially since the quality of sleep has been really bad. I am also trying to stay extra warm, take more vitamins, drink more water, and stretch more. I am keeping away from the foods I know I am sensitive to also. Managing this is something I have been working at for seven years, so I am getting to know my body really well. Sometimes I feel lost because I cannot detect everything and I certainly cannot manage everything, but this week has shown me that I have been doing a lot better in general.

2008-10-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

This is Narnia.

This photography is possibly the most moving photography I have ever seen. I found it using Stumble Upon, one of my new favorite things.

There is magic captured in Nick Brandt's photography. Some of these photos are what I picture Heaven to be like. They look made up. It is so difficult for me to imagine that a place like East Africa still exists, with large herds of animals making it their home and crossing and entire river at once.

Another aspect that greatly impresses me, Brandt says, "I get extremely close to these very wild animals, often within a few feet of them. I don’t use telephoto lenses." Seeing these wild animals that intimately is so amazing. Zoo animals are so different, so sad and out of their element. I've never seen the "wild" that has been captured by these photos. It inspires me. It moves me to tears. I want so badly to see and remember this sort of heaven-on-earth magic. I want to do my part in preserving our beautiful earth, and maintain that wild within me.

This is what I want

2008-10-16T20:47:00.001-07:00

Scotland

Medical Update

2008-09-30T12:50:00.000-07:00

Foot/Ankle

I am out of the boot, and only wear a small brace when I exercise! It is getting much better. I had a difficult time at (or shall I say after) physical therapy on Thursday last week. I go back in today and will be sure to tell them about that.

Uterine Polyps

I am still recovering from the surgery at the beginning of the month. I didn't think it would take that long, but I am still cramping and bleeding, so I hope the surgery worked. I need to call the specialist about this. My regular doc just found out my iron level is low from the bleeding.

Fibromyalgia

I just finished the FMS Research Study I was apart of and I feel good about it. It feels like I have seen small improvements, and I know the tools they gave me will be really helpful over time. I am trying to implement yoga, relaxation therapy, and eventually swimming into my routine, which should help the fibromyalgia a lot. My doctors recently altered my sleep medication a little bit, so hopefully improved sleep will also help a lot.

PCOS

I just got a boost in Metformin and continue to try to stay away from sugar, so this should help me get more energy back and make me feel more normal. Maybe even allow me to lose weight!

Seasons

2008-09-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

Autumn is my favorite season. I love it, especially October. Fall always really inspires me, kind of a magnified inspiration in like fashion to Spring and New Year's.

I have, for some while, been wanting to gather specific seasonal tid-bits and organize them into a notebook, and I am finally going to do it. I am going to do artwork, collect and write recipes, poems, star charts, lists of produce in season, activities, and more. I am excited about my project! As it comes together, I will put some of it up here to share.

2008-09-23T10:42:00.001-07:00

I HAVE FOUND SUCH JOY - by Grace Noll Crowell

I have found such joy in simple things;
A plain, clean room, a nut-brown loaf of bread
A cup of milk, a kettle as it sings,
The shelter of a roof above my head,
And in a leaf-laced square along the floor,
Where yellow sunlight glimmers through a door.

I have found such joy in things that fill
My quiet days: a curtain's blowing grace,
A potted plant upon my window sill,
A rose, fresh-cut and placed within a vase;
A table cleared, a lamp beside a chair,
And books I long have loved beside me there.

Oh, I have found such joys I wish I might
Tell every woman who goes seeking far
For some elusive, feverish delight,
That very close to home the great joys are:
The elemental things--old as the race,
Yet never, through the ages, commonplace.

World Names Profiler

2008-09-16T12:08:00.000-07:00

Here is a cool site that let's you see which countries your last name is most popular in! Rufener, I have known to be German, Swiss German more specifically. Come to find out, it's probably just plain Swiss, as there is an overwhelming amount of Rufeners in Switzerland compared to anywhere else, and the tiniest tiniest bit in Germany. Check it out!

I found this through Lifehacker.

fun survey

2008-09-10T12:04:00.000-07:00

Feel free to post your answers as a comment.
No more/less than 2 words can be used. Have fun and try not to use the same answers as the person before you.

1.
Where is your cell phone?
on desk.

2.
Your significant other?
Jer Bear

3.
Your hair?
little dirty.

4.
Your mother?
craft lady

5.
Your father?
preacher man

6.
Your favorite thing?
polly cat

7.
Your dream last night?
record store

8.
Your favorite drink?
whisky ginger

9.
Your dream/goal?
artful loving

10.
The room you're in?
my office

11.
Your ex?
still friends

12.
Your fear?
bad health

13.
Where do you want to be in 6 years?
art therapist

14.
Where were you last night?
farm house

15.
What you're not?
people pleaser

16.
Muffin?
sounds good

17.
One of your wish list items?
leather boots

18.
Where you were born?
Stockton, California

19.
The last thing you did?
ate toast

20.
What are you wearing?
reading glasses

22.
Your pets?
comfort me

23.
Your computer?
sans Word

24.
Your life?
worth living

25.
Your mood?
really bored

26.
Missing someone?
my friend

27.
Your car?
just bought!

28.
Something you're not wearing?
left shoe

29.
Favorite Store?
value village

30.
Your summer?
broken foot

31.
Like someone?
my barista

32.
Your favorite color?
olive green

33.
Last time you laughed?
last night

34.
Who will re-post this?
who knows?

You'll Be Everyone's Favorite

2008-09-09T22:19:00.001-07:00

Spinach Artichoke Dip

1 10oz box frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed out
1 12oz jar or can of artichoke hearts, drained and roughly chopped
1/2 cup whipped cream cheese
3/4 cup sour cream
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
lemon wedges for garnish (optional)

Heat oven to 400 degrees. Mix everything and put in oven safe dish. Bake till cheese is melty and top is lightly golden and heated through, approx 15 minutes.

I got a car!

2008-09-08T12:16:00.000-07:00

My brother gave me a great deal on buying his car from him! So, I am officially mobile! I feel so great about this. I still plan on taking the bus most places, but knowing I have that much more freedom and independence feels wonderful.

Restoration

2008-09-04T15:29:00.000-07:00

I woke up from the surgery today with clarity. I of course was loopy from the drugs and anesthesia, but my mind was sharp. I felt very confident about being able to recover well, in many areas. Before the surgery, my Dr said the polyps might have been causing me to be extra fatigued. I hadn't known about or thought of that! For the past 6 months, I thought the fatigue element of the fibromyalgia was getting much much worse. I was desperately trying to exercise, get healthier, and lose weight, with opposite results. This might very well be the reason. So, I woke up today, with new hope. Yesterday I went to my fibromyalgia research study appointment, and the health psychologist talked briefly about the word "restoration", which has an even more profound affect on me today. I'm thinking about the fact that rest builds me up and helps me heal from my ailments and stress.

Surgery Tomorrow

2008-09-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

I am having a small surgery tomorrow to remove uterine polyps. Blech... I am done with the health stuff! As Jeremy says, "No more broke!"

On a lighter note, I am glad to be having a dear dear friend of mine, Elizabeth, come up for a visit and to help me out this weekend. Yay!

Do you ever feel like there is a bug in your ear? Ok, I know that is a freaky deaky question, but we went camping this weekend, and I just feel like something is in there! It's just sinus issues, I'm sure...

Why I don't like getting lab work done

2008-08-29T16:25:00.000-07:00

When they actually do find a vein, it can end up looking like this.

Busy Bee

2008-08-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

I've been working for 2 weeks now at my new position at Hutch. It's going pretty well. They just pretty much have a lot of confidence in me, I think, because they leave me alone completely. I have seen my boss only a handful of times, and I have to go to him. I was not really trained, either. it's going pretty well, though,...I think...

The foot/ankle... it's doing ok. It was feeling a lot better and I started taking a lot more risks, and it hurts quite a bit more now. I see the specialist about it tomorrow, and I'm hoping I get to start walking around the house without the boot, which he said was a possibility for the next step (hee hee).

I had a show this week(music), which I got paid for, which was nice. I didn't perform too well, in my opinion. I think I practiced too much right beforehand because my throat was scratchy and my hand hurt a lot. I had a good time, though. I am getting set up to have a band soon. I think we've got all the members lined up and we will be called Last Night's Farewell. I am so excited about this! I think we'll probably start in November. That'll give me some time to write more songs.

If I had time! This week has been BUSY. I am still getting used to my work schedule, and school is totally nuts this week! I have 3 large assignments and 2 small assignments due by Sunday. So far, I have completed one small assignment. :( But, I am essentially free to only do homework until Sunday now, as I only work Monday through Wednesday at Hutch.

Architecture in Helsinki's Animated Embroidery Video

2008-08-14T11:54:00.000-07:00

This is amazing! I need to embroider more...

Cast off!

2008-07-25T17:47:00.000-07:00

I exchanged my cast for a boot today. Yay! I can walk (kind of)! I celebrated by doing dishes. It was great to carry them from one side of the kitchen without having to balance on one crutch!

Actually, I did celebrate by having a great lunch with my friend Tracy at Presse. I love that place! I can't pronounce anything on the menu, save "baguette", but I just point and try to look cool.

I am very excited about my new benefits with the Hutch. I was never eligible for benefits there in my other position. The coverage is going to be so good that I feel I am going to be able to address some other health things I've had to slightly ignore until now. Yay! I will also possibly be able to get a free bus pass AND vanpooling!

I am so glad Jeremy is getting back tonight. He has been in California attending his uncle's funeral. It has been a rough week for him. I've also had to adjust to taking care of myself completely, but I did fine. Still, it will be great to have him home!

I am on the hunt for a good grill to purchase with my birthday money. I've got to squeeze all the grilling days out of the summer that are left!

It's amazing how I can be laid up and still not get any homework done...back to my reading...

listening to: "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" by Neutral Milk Hotel

Back to work

2008-07-18T12:46:00.000-07:00

I got a job at Fred Hutch again, doing data entry in another department. It is about 50 cents more per hour and benefited. I'll be getting a bus pass, medical, and dental! I'll be starting August 1st. So, that gives me a little more time for my ankle to heal. I'm going into the doctor on friday and will most likely be getting a boot to start walking on.

cabin fever

2008-07-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

So, I've been able to get out of the house only a handful of times since the incident. It's a little maddening.

I do not own a car; if I did, and it was an automatic, I could potentially drive it, as I injured my left foot. Normally, I ride the bus and I am too afraid to ride the bus like this. I am so off balance with the crutches that if the bus even began to move before I was seated I would probably tip over.

So, since I am home, it is especially maddening because I can't even do all the things I would do at home. I can't even really carry anything with the crutches. So, I've been living in a slowly growing heap next to the couch and it is depressing. I would like to be cleaning and organizing and even unpacking still, but instead I am contributing to the mess.

So, starting Friday, I have been slowly trying to push myself to do things that are tough with the injury. It has been exhausting and making my shoulders much more sore on the crutches, but I feel it is necessary for my immediate sanity.

Appointment

2008-07-07T16:13:00.000-07:00

I do not need surgery. I did, however, severely sprain my ankle AND foot. So, it will probably take about 3 months to heal completely. The broken bone is well isolated in the middle of my foot, so it should heal nicely. I have a real cast on now. They had different colors, and I chose black-to go with everything ;) I will have this one on for 3 weeks. Then, they are going to take the cast off and see how it is doing, and i might need another cast for another 3 weeks, or they might give me a boot to start putting weight on it.

2008-07-06T21:16:00.001-07:00

Outing

2008-07-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

Getting around and doing normal things have definitely been a challenge. I really wanted to do something fun just Jeremy and I for my birthday, though. So, we have been racking our brains since my injury, trying to think about what we could do that doesn't involve walking. So, I was calling around to see what sort of places had wheelchair rental. We ended up going to the Seattle Asian Art Museum. It was fun and it happened to be free today! Unfortunately, I had to get to the entrance on my crutches and fell on the stairs. It hurt my pride more than my ankle/foot. We had a good time. The artwork there is amazing. We both have a thing for Asian culture, so it was facinating. They have a good variety of art too, from Kimono to snuff bottles painted on the inside, to statues and paper-cuttings.

I have definitely been getting cabin fever. I'm so glad we are in our spacious new house instead of my little crowded apartment, though. I'm glad we were able to get out and do something.

Happy Foot-Breaking

2008-07-04T00:43:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, my birthday-eve, I stepped off of a city bus onto my ankle. I have really damaged it, tearing ligaments and breaking the top of my foot. :( I spent 5 hours in the ER. They are sending me to a foot and ankle specialist Monday, where they will determine if I need surgery and what sort of cast needs to be put on. I have a temporary half plaster cast on right now. I hate crutches.

I'm doing ok, though. I have been learning more about my pain in general, which I feel is helping me through this incident. I feel I have had a good amount of spiritual and personal growth lately that has eased my fear and anxiety regarding my "falls", fibro pain, and other chronic issues I deal with. I also feel stronger physically from the fibromyalgia research study exercises I've been doing.

It is probably a good thing I do not have a job at the moment, so I can focus on healing from this. I am getting more financial aid, so I feel ok about my finances for now.

Despite being laid up for my birthday, it was not horrible. I did my main celebrating last weekend and Jeremy took me out for a nice dinner, and I just propped my leg up at a nice restaurant and tried not to care.

Tonight, my brother lent me his computer, so I actually have internet access for the first time in a couple weeks. I also had the lovely company of Marion tonight. She brought over ice cream and we watched a movie. It has been lonely here on the couch, so it was nice to have visitors.

I'll try to keep the blog more updated about my injury and the progress of things.

Laid Off

2008-06-03T16:08:00.000-07:00

I was laid off from my job today. I have two weeks. I knew we were low on work, but this is a surprise. I've been here over a year and I'm the newest hourly hire, so I get the boot. I'm the only one. So, if anyone knows of a good job in Seattle, let me know! Really great timing with having just moved, and am therefore broke! I am hoping not to get stressed, because change ususally equals stress, and there has been a lot of change in one small amount of time. With fibromyalgia, my body does not respond to stress well at all. So, I might be going back to daily bubble baths...

Station Show

2008-06-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

The show at the Station Saturday was awesome. I never want to play an acoutstic set again! It was so much fun playing with Jeremy on the drums. We looked pretty classy too, if ya don't mind me saying.

I've got a gig on this Saturday too at Aster Coffee Lounge in Ballard.

House

2008-05-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

I'm moving this weekend! I am going to live in an actual house in the city! No more apartment living! It is a great little 1 bedroom house built in 1892, with a yard for having bbqs and fire pit fun. I feel really great about this step in my life and feel Jeremy and I will continue to be so happy together in this new place.

I am always tired

2008-05-13T16:20:00.001-07:00

health update

2008-05-12T12:47:00.001-07:00

I feel like crap. heh, I am tempted just to leave it at that.

I have been working so hard! I am taking so many supplements and have implemented things into my diet and trying to be as active as possible, and I am just more and more tired. I am sore and exhausted.

I have an appointment Wednesday and I think they are going to actually put me on thyroid medication. I feel like this would be a good thing. So, we'll see how the appointment goes!

Update

2008-04-10T12:49:00.000-07:00

School

I have finished my winter quarter of school. I got a 79% in Health Psychology and an 83% in Neuropsychology. I didn't do as well as I had hoped I would. I tried really hard this quarter. They were interesting subjects, but I think I could have learned more somehow. I can't wait to finish my B.A. in December!

Health

I have started taking thyroid supplements and magnesium as well as a super intense multi-vitamin, as instracted my my naturopath. I am also supposed to eat 2 cuts of leafy greens/day, as well as 5 brazil nuts and a handful of pepitas. I am also not supposed to have dairy. The dietary changes I have been doing for a while now, but the thyroid and magnesium is new. I will hopefully see some results in a couple weeks. I am so sore and fatigued from this retaliation of cold weather the past couple weeks. I have also gained more weight. I have hope that these new supplements will work!

Music

I have two gigs coming up! The first will be April 18th at Stickman Coffee in Fremont...best coffee in town! The second is May 31st at The Station Bistro/Bar in Ballard. Their food is amazing!

Moving

I am looking for a place to move into the first of June. Jeremy and I want to find a small affordable house to rent in Ballard, where we can play our music loud and I'll have a little place to bbq/entertain and garden.

General

My brother is probably coming up here for the summer, so I am excited about that! I am also going to be participating ina fibromyalgia research study conducted by UW. Polly's great. Jeremy's great. He is going on tour with his band today. I am going to see them in Olympia tonight then ride home with another bandmember's girlfriend. I'll hopefully get some good pictures of the show for the blog.

Photos

2008-04-01T15:45:00.001-07:00

pretty flowers
Originally uploaded by jamborjoy

I have been taking photos with my new camera. I'm still getting used to it, but here are my sets on flikr:

outside
creatures, mainly polly
people

I'll be updating these set, so feel free to check back later in hopes to see more pictures!

Alfred Hitchcok

2008-03-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."

Banana Bread Recipe

2008-03-05T13:48:00.000-08:00

I made this today, altering a different recipe, and it turned out WONDERFULLY.

1/3 c. butter
3/4 c. raw sugar
2 mashed bananas
1 egg
2 c. flour
2 TBL ground flaxseed
1 tsp. double acting baking powder
1/2 tsp. soda
3/4 tsp. salt
3/4 c. soy milk
squeeze of lemon juice

Cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add bananas and egg, beat again. Add dry ingredients, milk, and lemon juice. Beat all together.
Pour batter into a large greased and floured loaf pan. Bake at 350 degrees till golden brown on top and toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Tired

2008-03-03T22:00:00.000-08:00

So, I am exhausted. I stayed up way too late last night celebrating Astrid's birthday. It was worth it, though, don't get me wrong. I am just totally tired. I have a million things to do, especially regarding school-work. My apartment is a messy mess. Admittedly, there is a little fur-ball/throw-up spot from Polly in the corner I haven't even cleaned up yet. I don't have any clean jeans to wear tomorrow. Sweat pants it is! No, just kidding. I even have a freshly packed roll of quarters to do the laundry with, but the thought of hauling the loads up and down a flight of stairs makes me more tired just thinking about it. All I can do is sit here and watch more episodes of Lost. heh.

living quarters

2008-03-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

I am trying to make a decision about whether to move in with a roommate(s) or not. I need to be paying less rent, I like living with other people, but I also like living a lone. My landlord is not helpful and my rent just went up. Where I live is a good quiet street and I can bus pretty easily to places, but I would like to live somewhere I can walk easily to places, either Capitol Hill or Ballard. I'd prefer Ballard. If there isn't a parking spot waiting on Capitol Hill, it sometimes takes over half an hour to park, plus you have to have a permit to park on the street overnight there. This would be if my roommate(s) had a car. I, too, would like to get a car within the next year, but need to save on rent before I can afford a car.

health background

2008-03-01T10:36:00.000-08:00

This is like a mystery novel in my life with no definitive amount of pages. Just when i think things are coming together and the mystery be solved, i realize i'm back to square one with even more loop-holes than i could have imagined. it's kind of like LOST.*

Some background:

-started making healthy meals for myself in late high school, even sometimes refusing fast food when my family was eating it. so, dietary-wise, i've been "eating healthy" for about 10 years now.
-i was at a healthy weight with a consistent womanly cycle in 1999.
-i gained 15 lbs in about 2 weeks when we moved to Brookings, OR my senior year (early 2000), and i felt really depressed and melancholy for the first time in my life, not really from gaining weight :) my womanly cycle went drastically irregular again.
-i moved away to college, and gained another 30 lbs in 3 months. It wasn't exactly the freshman 15. i kept eating healthy and was just as active as before. i was happy. my body still felt fine.
-in september 2001, i went through a lot. you know those "stress tests" where you add up points for different life changes and events and end up with a stress score? i had like double the highest possible points. all in two weeks i finished planning a wedding, got married, vacationed, moved, visited dying grandma bee in the hospital, grandma bee died, started a new job, no longer had friends in the town i lived in, had a suicide in my husband's family, had a separation in mine, 9/11 happened, and barely made it to grandma bee's funeral due to limited flights. upon my return from grandma bee's funeral, i first experienced fibromyalgia symptoms.
-In 2005, I started getting headaches/mild migraines every day. I saw a neurologist, had an MRI, and tried every kind of migraine med out there. I had a herniated disc from a car accident, but when that healed, the headaches remained. I started getting temporary relief finally when I had acupuncture and massage.
-In 2006, i had to have a large ovarian cyst removed from my ovary with a big-deal surgery. i have a scar in the same place/same size as if i'd had a cesarean section. during that surgery, they noticed a different kind of cyst, and many of them in the other ovary, thus diagnosing me with PCOS. I started treatment for that, and once again had a healthy womanly cycle!
-Around that time I realized that doctors were now taking fibromyaglia more seriously and coming up with treatment plans, so i went through several hoops and meds to try to treat it. i saw a rheumatory specialist and i could go into detail about everything we tried, but i am not going to. i stopped seeing him when he said the only other thing he could think of was trying to see if i needed brain surgery.
-In 2007, i started seeing a new doctor, DO. Mia Wise. She is amazing. I needed to go on anti-depressants. She said from having gone off the major drugs the specialist had me on, a new busy lifestyle, and going through a divorce, I needed the extra help. She also continued to fill the prescripts i still needed that the specialist introduced me to. Also, she gave me prescriptions for massage, which really help me a lot.
-I still haven't been able to lose any weight since 2000. i have tried everything I have thought possible. On the most extreme diet I tried, I did lose some weight but couldn't maintain it eating normal food. I tried that same diet again a couple years later and it did not work.
-Recently, Mia referred me to see a naturopath in addition in her, and a lot of exciting discoveries are occurring! Current health stuff will be in the next post.

*I am only in the beginning of season three. i had given up in watching LOST by the end of season two, but recently decided to give it a try again and i am watching it for free online. I must say I am impressed with the episodes from season three so far. no give away any spoilers in comments, please!

Something New

2008-02-29T16:20:00.000-08:00

I have had some blogs before. I am having one again. This is going to be it. I'm not going to do a couple blogs for different things. I am not going to do a super high tech one with multiple pages and links. I am just going to keep it simple; post some words, post some pictures. Comments or not, it is for me as much as for you. I won't be hurt if you don't read my long posts, especially since there is a lot going on with my health that you might not want the nitty gritty about...but maybe you do. We'll see how it goes.

I got a new camera on ebay with part of my tax return, so hopefully pictures will easily make it to this page.

Hmm...here are some general life facts, some new, some old:

-I love and live music. I sing and write and play guitar.
-I do visual art off and on when I have time.
-I keep a journal almost every day.
-I am very concerned about my health, making several conscious efforts towards improvement.
-I was divorced Oct. 2007.
-I am studying psychology and plan to graduate with my BA in either August or December.
-I also plan on completing some accredited art coursework for the application process into Antioch's clinical psychology art therapy program. They offer it as a masters and doctorate, and i will apply to both.
-I am still completely obsessed with Polly, my almost 6 yr. old cat.
-I work at Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center part-time doing data entry.
-I have a wonderful boyfriend named Jeremy. We met when I was 14 at Old Oak Ranch summer camp in California. His two biggest passions are coffee and music. He is in two bands and is getting gigs weekly now (paid!). He also works full time building espresso machines and can tell you anything you want to know about the world of espresso.
-I am priviledged to have a few very close friends that mean the world to me.
-My family is doing well. My parents live in Brookings, OR where my dad pastors a Foursquare Christian church. My mom is writing an extensive book on polymer clay jewelry. My brother lives in Santa Barbara, CA where he is in his last semester at Westmont to getting his bachelor's in math and computer science.

That's all for now.